The Woman, the Mother, the Queen

Womanhood is often influenced by the women we observe—our mothers, aunts, and grandmothers. They show us what it means to be a woman. The culture we grew up in has a tremendous influence on our womanhood.

As a Croatian woman, I observed the women around me and didn’t like what I saw. I observed a typical Croatian woman and saw a woman who suffers, who struggles. She was a woman who works hard, takes care of a household, takes care of the kids and the husband. For that, she receives almost no appreciation. No one says thank you to this woman; it is her duty.

Her house is always clean, supper is always ready, everyone is just taking from her, and she receives nothing in return.

From my perspective, she appeared tired, old, and almost like a martyr.

I was not going to be that woman. If it means I need to go 1,000 km away to claim my freedom, I will do it. And so I went. I moved to Denmark and discovered the Danish woman.

The Danish woman was free. Her hair blowing in the wind, her face with a gentle smile. She appeared young. Most likely divorced, co-parenting, successful, independent, balanced, doesn’t wear much makeup but dates the most handsome men in the world, travels the world, and does whatever she wants. She does not sacrifice herself. She is equal to a man in all senses—financially, domestically, and physically (given her ancestors were fierce Viking shieldmaidens who fought side by side with men).

The woman that I am felt relaxed and supported just by observing these women around me. This is not a society where men stare at women as some sex objects or try to mansplain how life works because they are intellectually superior. I felt free and strong. I came with almost nothing to this foreign land and built my life literally from nothing. I started over. I rediscovered my womanhood. I felt more beautiful, more appreciated, and respected as a woman.

As time went by, my life started to feel more stable. My private practice was growing daily, and more success inevitably brought more responsibilities. The woman in me was maturing, and an inner need for more commitment and duty started to emerge. The thought of serving more began lingering around me. I started feeling an inner longing for commitment, duty, and to serve those I care about. From the perspective of archetypes, I transformed from the maiden warrior into the queen.

I was no longer interested in short-term gratification or irresponsible wandering. I was drawn to building something that is sustainable, strong, and from the soul. It felt like a great honor to be in service to my clients, to those I love, to my small kingdom, and maybe even to a husband, and a family.

Commitment gave me the sense of building a life worth living. Making choices that are maybe not easy, investing in the future, and thinking long-term, even beyond death, to build a legacy, didn't feel like a sacrifice; it made me feel humble, grateful, soft, and open. I felt very feminine.

The queen inside of me helped me claim my inner landscapes and with that my roots. My body started having a strong desire to wear my grandmother’s ring. I felt her legacy right there on my finger. She felt like a true queen, and I felt touched to have such a woman in my lineage.

Funny how life works—when I stopped running away from the Croatian woman,

I started embodying her.

When I moved past the shadow a Croatian woman carries, I could see her in her essence. She was the embodiment of the queen. She is a woman who chooses duty, who serves her realm and builds strong walls that no enemy can breach. She treats her allies with respect. Her man is in her service, and her heirs continue her vision and her dream.

She is strong, resilient, determined, and makes sacrifices when needed. She is there, reliable, the glue that holds it all together. Without her, men would feel lost, and children neglected. She is needed. She is important. She is the leader, the nurturer, the woman, the mother, and the queen.

After living as an expat for some time now I feel that am moving beyond my roots. At first, it made me feel lost but I realized the more I claim my essence beyond my culture and ancestor, the more I in fact honor them and this human experience.

I would like to share one personal story of womanhood, an inner exploration of my roots and culture.